Ici le venin de la haine coule dans nos vies comme dans nos veines

Bonsoir my dear readers! You might wonder if I’ve turned French during this inexcusably long Blogger silence but I assure you this isn’t anything serious, just another obsession. You’ve been missing my crazy rants, haven’t you? Well, let’s not keep you waiting any longer. On to the crazy place called my mind!

THIS! Oh Gackt, this is the best thing since Elisabeth! That French guy’s voice! *-* This song! WHY oh why didn’t I find this musical last year when I needed the inspiration to study French for the matriculation examination? Well, if I’d have found this earlier it would have been even bigger a pain to wait for the Takarazuka version… I mean, Oh Gackt (yes, again) I NEED to see, no OWN this on DVD… And since there are two versions, the Hoshigumi one with Kaname as Tybalt and the Yukigumi one with Chigi as Mercutio I obviously need them both. I want to be poor and happy SO badly right now. *insert more excited rant here*

Other than that, I’ve started a tumblr blog just for the sake of spam. As you can see, it doesn’t necessarily lessen the spam in my other blogs. Sorry about that, but that’s just the way I am. ^^

THEN! (I am slightly stressed/fatigued/depressed so I write even more colourfully than usually. :'D) I had my hair cut AGAIN last Wednesday. ♥

Ahaha, a weird picture but whatever. I finally got the short-on-the-back-longer-on-the-front ‘bob’ I’ve been dreaming of since I don’t even know when. Have a look at these next bad quality webcam photos:

The hair is super short (on my scale, at least) at the nape of the neck. It’s a bit like one of Victoria Beckham’s bobs, except that Posh obviously wears her hair better than me and my hair is cut straighter than hers. Or something. My English totally fails me, sorry. x3 AND I’ve noticed (again) that I am terrible at doing my hair. ♥ Well, time to learn, right?

I’m 99,9% sure that I’m going to die of lack of sleep, stress and overall exhaustion next week… Or maybe of Zuka angst, we’ll see.

On a not as random a thought as that previous paragraph, I got a dataliittymä as a Christmas present. Sorry for the lack of interest to find out what it would be in English, but basically it means that I can surf in the net on my phone to my heart’s content anytime I want, almost anywhere I want. The best thing? My dad can’t stalk the times I use the net. ♥ So I can stay up ‘til four a.m. doing nothing useful and die of tiredness the next day. ♥ This is one of the reasons I am definitely going to die sooner than expected.

RANDOMNESS IS RANDOM. Over and out. ♥

Dieu, que les hommes, sont durs
Que les hommes, sont sûrs d'eux
Oh ! Dieu, que les hommes, sont durs
Que faut-il donc qu'on fasse
Pour que tu accordes ta grâce
Dieu toi qui nous a mis sur la terre
Pourquoi nous forcer à nous taire
Et regarder, mourir les hommes

Better than love

Ladies and gentlemen, what you are looking at is a post written by one very happy girl. And that was a huge understatement right there. Alright, since you can all guess what this is about I’ll just get to the subject without further delay.

*Insert dramatic drums here*

Friday the 15th was definitely more successful than the one before it, but the reason to my happiness was the same. (Zuka, obviously. There’s still no progress with the video thing. ^^'')

… !!!

I got my new Mizu stuff! *____* I was completely over the moon when I came home from a fashion fair (nothing much to say about that) to find a package from Japan on my table. My sister had apparently signed the delivery for me, so all I had to do was avoid any questions about the price of the delivery from my parents. I snuck the package to my room and squealed and hyperventilated a lot while carefully examining the contents. My mind has obviously been filled with Mizu for the past week. There’s so much to look at and so much to read, if only I could read Japanese, that is. I’ve done a lot of reading, actually. If I would bother to learn some of the more frequently appearing kanji it wouldn’t be all that hard to at least grasp the main concept of all the articles etc. I’m feeling the need to scan every photo of Mizu on the computer for personal usage, but I don’t want to risk ruining the book and the magazines in the process. Plus, there would be so much to scan; I wouldn’t know where to begin. Anyway, that was 97 € well spent. *pats herself on the back*

~♥~

I started to write this entry two weeks ago and I’m sure I had something non-zuka-related to say back then but now… Tehehee. :D Zara has bought like three new DVDs in the past two weeks so we’ve had a Zuka night two Saturdays in a row. Pari no Sora Yori mo Takaku was great of course, but nothing can beat what we watched yesterday. Roget/Rock on! is something that I must buy immediately, sorry Zuka shopping list! I’ve fallen in love. I’ve found my post-Mizu favourite takarasienne. I’m over the moon, about to faint, feeling anxious when I wake up all because of one Sagiri Seina. New obsession, here I come!

(Image from here.) This girl… My Gackt, why do I always forget how to breathe when she pops up from somewhere? *_____*

She’s just… Whoah. You really should see her in action, she’s too cool. Or too hot to handle. I can’t decide which would be the best way to describe her. Hot like ice? (Yes, her character is the bad guy. Why do I always fall for the bad guys? Tooto, Aosetona, vampires in general…) Her acting somehow reminds me of Gackt, and her voice… To die for. I heard her voice in Russian Blue for the first time and fell for it right away. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I’m moving on now to save the last bit of sense I have in me.

(Got to say just one more thing related to this… My dad randomly decided to up our (mine & my sister’s) monthly allowance by 25 €. YAYYYY! Now I can almost afford the DVD with the handling and postage fees… …Ohmigackt, this is not good for my sanity…)

…Just one more and I promise to stop spamming.

(Source.) Is she cool or what? *q* *dances away to find a bucket*

~♥~

I’ve had a massive skin problem for a month now. I don’t want to go into too much detail here, so I’ll just say that the skin on my face was so dry I was afraid it would come off altogether and I had a nasty rash on my neck and even armpits.  I went to see a doctor on Wednesday and got four different creams with which to start healing my skin. The most healing cream worked like magic and my skin was back to normal in three days. Now I’m just mad at myself for not seeing a doctor sooner. -.-

~♥~

Next subject: mood swings! I’ve about had it. Last week I was feeling under the weather because of my skin. Yesterday I was angsting big time, probably due to lack of Chigi sleep. Today has been a massive rollercoaster. I think I’ve regained some of my appetite after two days of not feeling like eating much. (And here I thought it was impossible for me to lose my appetite.) I haven’t exactly cried (got enough of that yesterday) but I’ve been down. But I’ve also been high with a texting war about Zuka meets Star Wars with Zara and finding Roget/Rock on! online. And the best of all? I started jumping up and down with joy when I got my hair crisis (yes, it’s always there) under control.

(A bad webcam photo is bad.) This isn’t inspired by Chigi’s cheek bones. It’s a bit difficult to see in the photo (Why do I feel like I’ve written something like that before?) but my hair actually looks quite nice! A bit like Kathryn Morris’ in Cold Case. Well, I always thought I liked her hair and that it would probably suit me too. Well, it does! And guess what? I may have found a perfect cut, if I ever decide to get rid of these locks. Buh-bye hair! …Or not. :3 We’ll see…

~♥~

Now, I absolutely must watch more Chigi call it a night. Only two hours of school tomorrow and then I’ll be off to do some depression shopping. A blazer, a frilly dress shirt, a hat, a mini skirt… Dum-de-dum, I’ve got a list of new clothes I want. :3 If I can find any that suit me and my taste, that is…

Until next time, dearies~! ♥

Infection

(I seem to have fallen to the level where all my titles are song names. :'D)

It’s time for apologies and explanations again. Sorry for the lack of updates. School is eating up all my free time and I haven’t slept nearly enough in the past four weeks or so. Also, my fever at the beginning of the month extended and I also caught an eye infection, so I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather. I’m already healing up, so there’s no need to be too worried.

I’ve failed a lot, due to the illness (I hope). On the 13th I managed to lose my phone. The next Monday I lost my bus card. I was so frustrated I can’t put it into words! I’d probably lose my own body if it were possible. -____-'' Well, the good news is I got a new phone! Here she is:

My new Nokia 5230. The Siren ~Redemption~ (No, I still haven’t got rid of my habit of giving names to my electronical devices.)

~♥~

On the 22nd I attended the much anticipated gig of D’espairsRay, without any make-up due to the eye infection. I had lessons until four o’clock, so I headed to Helsinki straight from school. I got my new bus card first and then went to grab a little something to eat and drink before the gig with Zara and Sami. Taitti joined us when we were already queuing inside. I started to panic about getting a right-sized tour shirt, as I always do, but in the end both me and Taitti got our shirts and found a good place to enjoy the gig from, right next to the mixing table.

The set list was amazing. No, I’m not just saying, it really was that good. The only song I still missed was Reddish, but other than that I was completely blown away. The first two songs, BORN and Marry of the blood, had me thinking I must have died and gone to heaven. The rest of the songs didn’t let me down either. Garnet, fuyuu shita risou and DEATH POINT kept the mood up, but when they played dope, 13 -thirteen-, Love Is Dead and Damned in a row I was on Cloud nine. I enjoyed in vain and Devils' Parade, but Abyss got me a little distracted from the show, as I hadn’t paid it all that much attention when listening to MONSTERS. Lost in re:birth wasn’t my favourite song either, but Hollow got me back on track again. I was more than happy listening to Human-clad monster and REDEEMER, and then Abel to Cain made me go wild. The encore with forbidden, TRICKSTeR and MIRROR was great, but I felt a bit unsatisfied with the lack of Reddish. Both me and Taitti were all “So when will we see D’espairsRay again?” afterwards and were sad to read about the break they are taking after this tour. But as long as Hizumi will get his vocal cords in shape again it’s all good. Thank you for the amazing show again, D’espairsRay!

~♥~

I’ve actually been a bit depressed lately, probably due to the shortening days of autumn. I’ve been forced to wake up at 5:40 a.m. for way too many mornings in a row and it’ll only get worse after the (heavenly!) autumn break of 11 days starting next Thursday. Technically we aren’t allowed to eat anything in our classroom at school, so I’ll have to start having breakfast at home rather than just taking my morning tea and sandwiches with me when I leave the house. This means that I’ll have to wake up at 5:20 practically every weekday morning. I do not approve of this! Well, I can’t really complain since I was the one to decide I’d go to school so far away from home, but still. >.<''

Okay, enough of that rant for now. If I won’t update my blog too frequently from now on it’s just that I’m depressed and tired, that’s all. But! On to nicer subjects!

Dad bought me the cutest bottle of champagne ever!

(Sorry for the bad photo – as always. x3) Look, my Nicolas Feuillatte is wearing a pink winter coat! Just how cute is that? :D Now all I need is a pink coat with white fur for myself and a chihuahua with a matching outfit and I’m all set for a very chic New Year’s party or something. xD

Also, I got a gorgeous pocket watch from my dad! He already had one that used to belong to his uncle or grandfather, so he gave the other one to me. :D

*____* I don’t know where I’m going to wear it, but its cool. A great piece of accessory for a gothic photo shoot, don’t you think? I just need a chain for it…

~♥~

Last Friday was an exciting one. ;) Zara totally got me a heart-attack by texting me that she had got this:

My Miki in Budokan! *q* I left the house in the morning thinking that my life would be complete once I would get my hands on my new baby in the evening. But before that, I had to visit two museums with the other first-year artisan students from our school and then spend the afternoon in Helsinki with Taitti. We were going to buy some new Neopikos from Stockmann, since they had the big sales (Hullut päivät), but decided against it in the end. I bought some stuff for school, the seventh volume of Vampire Knight manga and, you got it right, nail polish. *sigh* I was only going to get myself a new base coat, but then I got my eyes on this:

OPI Kinky in Helsinki! (VERY inaccurate photo colour-wise. It’s much more… not-red IRL, more like magenta. Go Google it, it’s a pain to capture on camera but I’ll try again tomorrow with natural light.) My face was probably something like this: O________________O when I spotted the display next to all the other OPI polishes. My limited-edition-obsessed mind forced me to buy a bottle without stopping to think about it for one second. Luckily I’m absolutely loving it on my nails. ♥__♥

Now on to the curious case of Miki in Budokan. I went to see Zara straight from Helsinki and had to do a lot of self-restraining in order not to drool all over the package during the ten-minute train trip to Sello where my parents picked me up on their way to the grocery store. Once I was finally home, I went straight upstairs and plugged in the VCR. It was at this point that I realized what a huge failure of a nerd I am. The Japanese have their videos in NTSC format whereas our VCR can only play PAL videos. All I saw on the TV screen was a white mess and the sound was too slow and overall weird. I must have flipped because at first I couldn’t do anything but laugh so hard at myself for being an idiot and then I started to frantically search the net for any information on how to get my hands on a VCR that can play NTSC videos. So far it has proven to be quite difficult, but I’ll try searching through flea markets and recycling centres when I find the time. Gosh I wish I had more intelligence in my brain…

~♥~

Well, I could keep on ranting about my angst for the whole night, but I guess it would be unhealthy for me and very unpleasant to my readers, so maybe I’ll just keep all the gory details of how the Tarja/Nightwish-deal still gets me depressed to myself. Hopefully I’ll have a nicer post for you next time. (There’ll probably be some major Mizu!fangirling, since I’ve ordered myself a few new things from Japan~ :D

Until then, dears! ♥

P.S. DAMNIT, if only I had waited for 21 more minutes to publish this… I didn’t realize 10/10/10 at 10:10 would happen twice if you’re using a.m./p.m. time format. >.<''

P.P.S. I’ve got to do this now so that I won’t forget…

I got this Beautiful Blogger Award from Zara. I have to share seven facts about myself and then tag seven people to do the same. I’ll tag all my readers, because I don’t like to spam people’s comment boxes with things like this, even though this is a nice award and everything. :'3

1. I feel like a failure. Mostly because, even though I’m studying to become an artisan, I feel like I have no direction in my life and I get absolutely nothing done.

2. I’ve inherited a tendency to get depressed during the darker months of the year from my mom.

3. I’ve also inherited her genes that allow me to eat practically anything and still stay thin.

4. I always try very hard to please other people and I sometimes get all worked up because I can’t please everyone at the same time.

5. I tend to get some sort of an identity crisis every other month or so, due to an obsession or the previous fact.

6. I feel like I’ve failed in English again in this post and it bothers me very much, as always.

7. I’m a procrastinator and a perfectionist. NOT a good combination, I can tell you. I always get depressed over things I haven’t done but it doesn’t make me do them any faster. *ahem* driving lessons, taiji and student card *ahem*

Bliss or depression – that is the question

As the title indicates – welcome back the rollercoaster of moodswings! –.-'' I don’t really know what to blame this on anymore, so I’ll just say it’s because of the heat. The weather has been positivelly hot for the past week and I’ve obviously enjoyed all the sunshine, but I guess my head’s not taking it as well as I had hoped it would. I konw that this time I’m not going mad for being alone too much, because I’ve seen Taitti every day this week except for Thursday. ^^

Anyways, let me fill you in on what’s been going on in my life recently.

My driving lessons are going on fine, except for the fact that I’ll have to sit on about three theory lessons in September. >___>'' I’m going to a cruise next Wednesday with my family and am thus going to miss two lessons just before the driving school’s office is closed for a summer break. Well, as my mom likes to say, I wouldn’t have this problem if I had started the driving school earlier.

Last weekend was the Midsummer party here in Finland called ‘Juhannus’. We had our traditional party, with a group of family friendds coming over and I had fun, even though the guests were mostly adults of the same age as my parents. I just love those people. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel slightly remorseful when Taitti informed me that she wouldn’t be around for the weekend.

The biggest thing this week was… *dum de dum*

The Versailles gig at Tavastia, Helsinki! Kamijo~ Hizaki~ *___* I was in a coma half of the time and the other half I drooled over the gorgeous men on the stage, felt the awesome music and tried to figure out what to do with my hands. The gig didn’t leave me as delirious as I had expected, though. I wonder if that was because I wish it would have lasted longer or if I started to feel jealous of Taitti, who managed to get a plectrum.

I went to the gig with Taitti and Zara, who didn’t really feel the need to line up with everybody else. I wish I would have had more time to hang around with sargonnas and some other people, but I guess I’ll have to do that some other time and with more time to actually talk etc. I wasn’t too anxious about the line myself, until the moment I remembered that i wanted to buy an S-sized tour t-shirt. After that I just couldn’t stay still and wait. :'3 Much to my surprise, I managed to get about the last S-sized shirt they had. Ah, bliss. I haven’t got a photo of it yet, as I haven’t really been on my most photographable mode these past few days. I haven’t got a photo of my gig outfit, either, but I wore the same black halter-neck top I had on D’espairsRay’s gig last year and a black tulle skirt. I had my graduation photos taken earlier that day (Tuesday, as I haven’t mentioned that before), so I had my hair on curls with a white rose pin in them.

I also bought a rose for our Street Team gig activity, which was to hold the roses up in the air during Serenade, as a tribute to the heavenly basist Jasmine You. I thought it looked wonderful. ♥

The setlist was great, in my opinion, but you couldn’t expect any less from a band like Versailles. They are just amazing.

As a tribute to Versailles, here’s a photo of a rose mom bought me for the graduation photo:

Red and big and beautiful~

I was going to make a new outfit for the gig, but I ran out of time, as usual. I managed, however, to sew a new red tulle petticoat, which I actually wore beneath my black skirt.

A bad nightly photo is bad. :'3 I made this following loosely Prinsessa Seinäruusunen’s tutorial for a basic tulle skirt (in Finnish only). It probably needs another layer of tulle and I’ll have to work on the lowest layer some more, but other than those two little things this came out quite alright. I feel like I’ll be sewing a lot of skirts in the future… :D

On with the show! I’ve got two new Blu-Rays this week!

The new Sherlock Holmes (I personally liked it very much, even though Jeremy Brett is the true Holmes to me) and Gone with the Wind. *-* I was watching the bonus materials of GwtW yesterday and today I watched Sherlock Holmes. I think I couldn’t handle the Wind at my current state of mind, but I just can’t my hands off it. It’s just pure love. But I can’t agree with all the people who call it a love story. To me it’s a tragey, first and foremost, however optimistically you might look at it. It’s a hundred times more tragic than Romeo and Juliet, for example. They at least got each other forever. ;__;

Well, enough with the rant about love. Here’s a bad-quality photo of my nails from last week:

I shortened my nails quite a bit but they still look quite long. Succes! I’m wearing OPI O’Hare & Nails Look Great and I must say that it is one of the most horrible-smelling nail polishes I’ve ever come across with. It looks really pretty though. :3

That’s probably all for now. I’m dead tired, so I guess I should go to sleep… I felt like I was going to faint when I woke up this morning, or rather every time my phone’s alarm went of. I just turned my head on the pillow and everything started to spin. ò.Ô I got pretty scared, because I don’t usually faint just like that, but I guess this heat is getting the best of me. Or maybe I just managed to tilt my balance censors in an atypical position somehow. (I won’t even write the proper term here, because I started to read the Wikipedia article about balance and the inner ear and it just sounded a tad bit too difficult and scientific for me.) ^^''

Just two links, and then I’m off. First, Yumiko’s new website is up! Her official fan club is called Precious. http://www.mao-ayabuki.jp/

And then, as I’m going with the flow, you can now ask me your questions in formspring! I’ve added the question form to the sidebar too. Here’s the link to my profile:

>>ASK ME!♥<<

Keep the questions coming! (Anonymous questions are allowed, too.) Until next time, dears~!

♥ Hetha ♥

A kiss while your lips are still red

Hiya all! I’m supposed to be sleeping but instead I’m just sitting here staring at my screen so thought I’d quickly update my blog. :3

My week has been… confusing, to say the least. I got my swine flu vaccination on Tuesday and thus was sick on Wednesday. My arm was terribly sore up until yesterday and I was in a bad mood. I even skipped my morning lessons on Friday just because I felt depressed. And today I’ve been hyper. :''D It’s the rollercoaster of emotions again.

But now to the point! I thought I’d post a random image of my face since I haven’t posted any of those in a while. x3 Here we go, a random lipstick experiment:

Sorry for the crappy quality! :'D The length of a day is less than six hours at this time of the year so I really haven’t had much of a chance to take photos with natural light. Crappy photo is crappy. Oh well, at least you got to see my face. :'D

Aaaaaand here’s my main reason for doing this post:

I did my nails today! ^^ I actually wanted to do something vampire-inspired but instead ended up with these Christmas-y nails. :'3 Used Lumene’s Dancing Waves and O.P.I I’m Not Really A Waitress plus Mavala’s base coat. And I’ve run out of top coat so none was used. :__D (Dunno why I just got Gackt- ahem, sorry, GACKT’s Arittake no ai de on my mind… I want to wrap you in my love or something like that… I wrapped my nails in love? o.O Maybe they represent love… Ok, wtf am I rambling about? xD)

On with the show! I finally got a proper mirror in my room! here’s another crappy photo:

Ta-dah! xD How did my face dissapear in the light so conveniently? xD And the photo is so straight that I could cry… :__D

I just had to draw this up quickly on the other day. :__D Describes perfectly how I look while watching Mizu videos. x3 Concentration: 100% (can’t say the same about the drawing process…)

Hmm was that all? :__D I really don’t know but it’s time for me to sleep. I’ll end this post with a quote of what someone wise once said:

The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why 'this moment' is called 'the present'.

*Insert an interesting title here*

My brain is pretty empty right now and I don’t know why. I’m going through a nice variety of emotions and I keep switching my thinking language between Finnish, English, Swedish and French, which is confusing to say the least. I’m a bit worried about next Wednesday because then I’ll have my English matriculation exam and my English isn’t really at it’s best right now. Well, I did get quite a good score from the listening comprehension (85/90) but I’m getting pretty worried about the grammar part. And judging by the first paragraph of this blog entry the essay part won’t be easy either. I fail. ;__;

I’ve been quite stressed over all the school work lately. The teachers just keep giving us too much homework and other projects and I’ve been feeling like I haven’t got any time of my own at all. And thus I’ve neglected almost all of my homework, which has made me feel guilty and unwilling to go to the classes. I’m quite proud of myself though; I haven’t skipped a single class since the beginning of the semester. Go me!

Last Tuesday I was so fed up with my teachers and all the things they make us do that I simply decided to do nothing at all. It didn’t make me feel better but at least it didn’t make me feel worse. Because that would have been too much. I spent the night staring at my computer screen, mostly Takarazuka videos on YouTube. The same angst and unwillingness to do anything went on on Wednesday, too, but I guess I was already feeling slightly better. Thursdays are always the worst and the most tiring days but on yesterday evening I felt very good and relaxed. Amazing, isn’t it, what little things like dancing can do. I got slightly too relaxed though; I couldn’t sleep. >.<’’

Today I’ve come across quite a few not so cheerful things from wrist cutting to suicide. Depression and stress seem to appear in about everyone’s life lately. It makes me feel sick. I find myself trying to keep away from the bad things, trying not to empathize with them. But that’s almost even more scary; ignorance isn’t really my thing and the numbness that follows makes me scared of losing all my feelings. To make matters worse, I watched a bit of a 9/11 memorial documentary. My mom, who actually isn’t in high spirits either, asked me why I was watching such a depressing thing. I couldn’t answer; I know that I sometimes watch such things to remind myself of the bad things in life (and when I do it feels masochistic) but right now I have no reason to do so.

I should go to sleep already; I’ll have to be at school from 9 to 12 tomorrow, studying Swedish. And then I’m going to Helsinki with Taitti to check out some kind of a manga event. ^^ To end this post on a positive note, I’ll tell you about a dream I saw last night. I wasn’t in the dream myself but I saw a dark gothic castle. There, in a hall, was count Dracula or some other older aristocratic vampire with his servant. The servant told the count something about a woman’s corpse floating in a river by the castle. The count looked out of a window, said something like ‘There’s no sun at this time of night’ and got outside laughing mischievously. Pretty random, but I’m not complaining as long as it’s about vampires.

And lastly, here’s a bit crappy photo of my current nails:

Draw back those tears, you’re not dying inside

Warning: Obsessed rant for the first 3 paragraphs. Skip these if you aren’t interested/don’t have time etc. ^^

I’m trying really hard to convince myself that I don’t need or even want that DVD. I’m thinking rationally here (just what my parents want me to do); almost 130€ for a DVD is way too much. When my obsession has faded away, I might be pretty pissed at myself for throwing away that much money. Maybe. Just a few weeks ago I thought about buying that Vivienne Westwood necklace at almost the same price. At some point I was seriously considering buying a BJD.

“Let’s not buy these yet, consider it a bit more”, said my dad with a not so pleased look on his face. ;;__;; But… I’m still obsessed! I want to have a DVD with Mizu Natsuki as Death in it. >:( “It’s overpriced. No-one should buy a DVD that expensive.” Yeah, yeah, I know, right. But that’s the cheapest it’ll get. And there’s this one single website from where I’d be able to get it. It’s the 2007 version, who knows how few of them they have in stock!

I’ll just have to bear with this for a while. Obsessions will be replaced with something else, eventually. Some day I’ll thank myself for not buying it. *Has reasoned enough with herself*

Okay, moving on to other subjects. ^^

Today we went to Lahti to see my grandparents and two cousins. It was fun, because the two cousins of mine live in Puolanka and I’m lucky if I get to see them once a year. And they are so cute. *__* They are 14 and 11. :3 Too bad my sister couldn’t meet them…

Me today. ^^ Why so serious? x)

Tigerlily from our garden. ^^ Macro photography, for once.

My new necklace. ^^ It’s a heart-shaped cage which can be opened and you can fill it with whatever you like. I’ll probably try to find a dark pearl or something, because the rose quartz I currently have doesn’t really show well against skin.

Then, here are some of my goals for the future. (Hopefully I can achieve some of these before school starts.)

-Have straighter back/posture.
-Be more flexible.
-Have more flesh between skin and bones.
-Weight at least 45 kg.
-Read for the final exams.
-Become more elegant.
-Learn to dance.

I feel empty, somehow. But I’ll play strong and happy, hiding behind the smiling mask. ^^ It can’t be that hard. I’ve swallowed back my tears for today. ^^

^^ ^^ ^^ Whee-hee. ^^ Convincing, no?

P.S. I became a member of Versailles' Street team (Finland) today. Yayy! ^^ I'm honestly so happy and excited about that!

Where There Is A Will There Is A Way

Okay, I seriously think I shouldn’t be updating right now because a) I might never get to sleep and b) I’m probably starting to sound like a broken record (at least to those who read my other blogs). I don’t know if this post is going to be on the huge side but in case it will, I’ll apologize in advance. Because I really don’t have too many topics to write about. I hope I won’t bore you to death. D:

So, I’m still obsessed with the musical Elisabeth. >_<'' (♥__♥) My parents are probably not so pleased with me, thinking and talking only about one single thing. I’ve tried to keep it down, though, since I’ll still have to convinve my dad to order the freaking expensive DVD from a German website. My plan is to buy my CD of the month from there (the German soundtrack of the musical with Máté Kamarás as der Tod *___*) and sneakily order the Takarazuka DVD while I’m at it. ^^ Dad will probably agree to that since I’m paying for the DVD but it would still be best to keep him as unannoyed as possible until the order has been placed.

I got my online bank account on Monday, by the way. It hasn’t helped me all that much yet, since the German online shop only accepts credit cards. >.<'' I guess I’ll still have to bother dad with my CDs of the month…

And then some big news! I have finally got the inspiration to draw! And I’ve drawn on computer, too! The biggest thing of the year! I can’t believe I was able to draw for hours before getting irritated at my lousy colouring skills. Here’s a very rough sketch of the pic I’m drawing:

It’s rough, as I said. The eyes and mouth look a bit disturbing… I’m going for realism so don’t be surprised if you’ll never see me again… My head might explode or maybe I’ll hang myself. Colours and me don’t go well together. I started off with the skin and couldn’t get even the forehead to go right. ;;__;; Plus my reference pic is way small. It doesn’t help that I’m a perfectionist trying to draw the perfect face of a perfect person playing a perfect character. (Yes, you guessed right; Mizu Natsuki as der Tod.) Obsessions <3 I think I’m losing it… DD:

And for the randomness’ sake, here’s something to remember when feeling down or über high or anything in-between. Especially for people like me who get random mood swings at completely random times. (Well, not totally random; when you are supposed to be having fun you’ll suddenly feel depressed etc.) We all love Xena.

Hope that made you lol. xD

In a rollercoaster

I’ve been having some major mood swings these past three days. From hopeful to anxiety, loneliness and right down to depression. -___-'' I even started a new blog for my darker thoughts. (Tell me, if you’re interested, I’m keeping it pretty much private. I’ll publish some of my art and stories there, too. And it includes mature content. ^^)

I was only able to go to Animecon on Friday, because I didn’t want to go alone on Saturday and I kinda missed my chance on Sunday. But I had great time on Friday, we were there for about three hours. I managed to spend 95+ euros during that time. ^^'' Here’s what I got:

The Trinity Blood DVDs (I-III) I’ve been planning to buy for a while now. 20 Euros for three DVDs, not too bad, eh? (Sorry if I’m starting to sound British, btw, just finished watching the last Lewis episode. ^^ I think I’m going to start talking in Oxfordian accent soon. o__O) Except that I noticed I could actually get the whole series for 19,95 € in a single DVD box. Now there are two choices; I could try to sell these three DVDs and buy the box with the money I get, or I’ll have to spend another 20-30 Euros to buy the other DVDs. And the last DVD hasn’t even been published in Finland yet. –____-''

I bought Loveless 4 for a bargain price, only 5 euros! And I promised myself a million times I wouldn’t buy the Crimson Spell mangas but, unsurprisingly, I failed. When are they going to publish the 3rd book? I want chapter 20! ^__~

I tried to keep my eyes off the jewellery tables, though it has become much easier for me to resist those kinds of temptations. On the other hand, I found another weakness of mine and it was one I wasn’t prepared for. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the ultimate doom of my wallet; Belle Modeste’s table. Don’t tell mom that I bought a neck corset. ^^ I don’t know where and when I’m going to wear it, but I couldn’t help myself. Damn addictions. >.<'' I actually managed to buy quite a few things I don’t want to show my parents. ^^

And here’s a picture of my Animecon nails:

Yoga-ta Get This Blue with nail stickers. ^^

Right now, another mood swing has brought me close to euphoria. I’m in a mood when I find too many things to buy. And I’ve fallen in love. ♥ I’m having a music orgasm right now. I’m sure that’s about the only way to describe this feeling. Stalking blogs is really useful sometimes. I found this musical through Siru’s blog and fell in love right away. It’s called Elisabeth and I’m not quite sure whether I love it more in Japanese or in German. The Takarazuka version is maybe a bit more interesting, since all the roles are played by women and Der Tod (The Death) has long, silvery hair. *___* The German version is very appealing too, though. This music keeps sending thousands of chills down my spine and I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. This is the best feeling. ^^ And one the reasons I love music. I already went and put the soundtrack I found on our library’s website on hold for me. There was just one single CD, but it’ll have to do until I can order a copy of my own from the net. I’ll also simply have to buy the Japanese DVD as soon a it becomes available, no matter what the cost might be. I’m having one of my huge music moments right now. Here are the links to my favourite songs so far, highly recommended: Die Schatten Werden Länger/Yami ga Hirogaru, Der Letzte Tanz/ Saigo no Dansu

So hot *___* I’m completely awestruck, hope you can feel it too. ♥