Bliss or depression – that is the question

As the title indicates – welcome back the rollercoaster of moodswings! –.-'' I don’t really know what to blame this on anymore, so I’ll just say it’s because of the heat. The weather has been positivelly hot for the past week and I’ve obviously enjoyed all the sunshine, but I guess my head’s not taking it as well as I had hoped it would. I konw that this time I’m not going mad for being alone too much, because I’ve seen Taitti every day this week except for Thursday. ^^

Anyways, let me fill you in on what’s been going on in my life recently.

My driving lessons are going on fine, except for the fact that I’ll have to sit on about three theory lessons in September. >___>'' I’m going to a cruise next Wednesday with my family and am thus going to miss two lessons just before the driving school’s office is closed for a summer break. Well, as my mom likes to say, I wouldn’t have this problem if I had started the driving school earlier.

Last weekend was the Midsummer party here in Finland called ‘Juhannus’. We had our traditional party, with a group of family friendds coming over and I had fun, even though the guests were mostly adults of the same age as my parents. I just love those people. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel slightly remorseful when Taitti informed me that she wouldn’t be around for the weekend.

The biggest thing this week was… *dum de dum*

The Versailles gig at Tavastia, Helsinki! Kamijo~ Hizaki~ *___* I was in a coma half of the time and the other half I drooled over the gorgeous men on the stage, felt the awesome music and tried to figure out what to do with my hands. The gig didn’t leave me as delirious as I had expected, though. I wonder if that was because I wish it would have lasted longer or if I started to feel jealous of Taitti, who managed to get a plectrum.

I went to the gig with Taitti and Zara, who didn’t really feel the need to line up with everybody else. I wish I would have had more time to hang around with sargonnas and some other people, but I guess I’ll have to do that some other time and with more time to actually talk etc. I wasn’t too anxious about the line myself, until the moment I remembered that i wanted to buy an S-sized tour t-shirt. After that I just couldn’t stay still and wait. :'3 Much to my surprise, I managed to get about the last S-sized shirt they had. Ah, bliss. I haven’t got a photo of it yet, as I haven’t really been on my most photographable mode these past few days. I haven’t got a photo of my gig outfit, either, but I wore the same black halter-neck top I had on D’espairsRay’s gig last year and a black tulle skirt. I had my graduation photos taken earlier that day (Tuesday, as I haven’t mentioned that before), so I had my hair on curls with a white rose pin in them.

I also bought a rose for our Street Team gig activity, which was to hold the roses up in the air during Serenade, as a tribute to the heavenly basist Jasmine You. I thought it looked wonderful. ♥

The setlist was great, in my opinion, but you couldn’t expect any less from a band like Versailles. They are just amazing.

As a tribute to Versailles, here’s a photo of a rose mom bought me for the graduation photo:

Red and big and beautiful~

I was going to make a new outfit for the gig, but I ran out of time, as usual. I managed, however, to sew a new red tulle petticoat, which I actually wore beneath my black skirt.

A bad nightly photo is bad. :'3 I made this following loosely Prinsessa Seinäruusunen’s tutorial for a basic tulle skirt (in Finnish only). It probably needs another layer of tulle and I’ll have to work on the lowest layer some more, but other than those two little things this came out quite alright. I feel like I’ll be sewing a lot of skirts in the future… :D

On with the show! I’ve got two new Blu-Rays this week!

The new Sherlock Holmes (I personally liked it very much, even though Jeremy Brett is the true Holmes to me) and Gone with the Wind. *-* I was watching the bonus materials of GwtW yesterday and today I watched Sherlock Holmes. I think I couldn’t handle the Wind at my current state of mind, but I just can’t my hands off it. It’s just pure love. But I can’t agree with all the people who call it a love story. To me it’s a tragey, first and foremost, however optimistically you might look at it. It’s a hundred times more tragic than Romeo and Juliet, for example. They at least got each other forever. ;__;

Well, enough with the rant about love. Here’s a bad-quality photo of my nails from last week:

I shortened my nails quite a bit but they still look quite long. Succes! I’m wearing OPI O’Hare & Nails Look Great and I must say that it is one of the most horrible-smelling nail polishes I’ve ever come across with. It looks really pretty though. :3

That’s probably all for now. I’m dead tired, so I guess I should go to sleep… I felt like I was going to faint when I woke up this morning, or rather every time my phone’s alarm went of. I just turned my head on the pillow and everything started to spin. ò.Ô I got pretty scared, because I don’t usually faint just like that, but I guess this heat is getting the best of me. Or maybe I just managed to tilt my balance censors in an atypical position somehow. (I won’t even write the proper term here, because I started to read the Wikipedia article about balance and the inner ear and it just sounded a tad bit too difficult and scientific for me.) ^^''

Just two links, and then I’m off. First, Yumiko’s new website is up! Her official fan club is called Precious. http://www.mao-ayabuki.jp/

And then, as I’m going with the flow, you can now ask me your questions in formspring! I’ve added the question form to the sidebar too. Here’s the link to my profile:

>>ASK ME!♥<<

Keep the questions coming! (Anonymous questions are allowed, too.) Until next time, dears~!

♥ Hetha ♥

Mizu stole my spare time

…Yeah, I’m still seriously obsessed and there’s no sign of change in that on the horizon. It just gets stronger and stronger every day. Yes, I had big plans of how I would read to the upcoming matriculation exams every day throughout the summer but then along came Mizu and all the plans flew out the window. ^^’’ It seriously worries me… Last semester my school work was practically ruined by yaoi and this semester seems to fall into pieces before it has even started, all because of the perfect Mizu Natsuki. And my wallet/bank account is feeling the pain, too. 200,90€ for a DVD and a CD and I couldn’t be more eager to get rid of the money right now! But I’m trying to do my best to not upset my parents, so I’ve got to do it the hard way. I’ll have dad buy me AQUA5’s CD from CDJapan with Versailles’ single ASCENDEAD MASTER as soon as he’s willing to do it though. One CD per month is the best Christmas present of mine these days, I just wish it would apply to DVDs that cost over 100€ and CDs that cost 64,95€… Well, life isn’t life without a few hardships, right? My guess is that someone’s trying to make me study instead of watching Elisabeth and thus making it basically impossible for me to get the DVD before the exams. It isn’t working very well though; that someone hasn’t taken YouTube into account.

Hmm, considering the length of the first paragraph I’m writing another novel here. ^^’’

I actually had something to tell and show you other than just my Mizu fandom. I’ve been an unusually active shopper last week; I went to Sello on Wednesday to buy that scarf and belt (and a new bra, but I’m not posting photos of that :''D (I’m easily influenced, so now I’ve got myself addicted to using that :'''D smile all the time. Got that habit from Zara. ^^ I’m sorry for always copying my friends instead of coming up with something of my own. ;__;)), on Thursday I went to Helsinki with Zara and on Friday I went there again with Taitti and Niina. I didn’t buy anything yesterday, thank God for that.

So now let's go back a few days, to Thursday. In Helsinki with Zara. I had decided not to buy anything because I’m saving money for something. Well, surprise surprise, I totally failed on that. We were supposed to meet in Kamppi at 12 o’clock but I arrived about twenty minutes early and decided to go walk around a bit and maybe do some window shopping. As it happens, before Zara had even arrived at Kamppi I had already spent 90€ on a HerStyler. >_____>''

It’s pink! It’s really easy to use and I can both straighten my hair and create pretty curls. *Advertisement* Money well spent but why do I always have to buy something that costs a lot when I’m saving money for something even more expensive? >.<'' It’s a mystery.

I also bought Matenrou Opera’s new CD ANOMIE from Keltainen jäänsärkijä. I felt pretty good about that, since dad’s going to pay me back for it. ^^

Here’s my j-rock collection at the moment. ^^ I’m planning on buying more in the near future, as I’ve already mentioned.

I had a private photo shoot (why won’t I ever learn how to spell that? >.<) on Friday because I felt pretty. I straightened my hair in the morning obviously and got a bit of clothing inspiration from Mizu. ^^’’ Yesterday I didn’t feel pretty at all though, because I felt (and still feel) slightly sick and didn’t bother with a shower because I was going to sauna in the evening anyway. (I really hope that I haven’t got the swine flu… Don’t think so, anyway. Everyone just has to half-heartedly remind me of the possibility.)

Ermm… Where did all the good photos go? o.O Now I’m depressed 'cause I can’t be as beautiful as Mizu. –.-'' I tried to do Mizu’s pointed finger thing but I failed so bad I can’t show those photos to anyone. ^^’’ If you don’t know what I’m talking about:

Ittemiyo! *__________* Notice the most awesome Tooto-nails too. (Watch in YouTube for HQ)

Uwaah, this is the handiest thing! I’m posting with Windows Live Writer and all I need to do is paste the URL among the text and this thing automatically adds it as a video. *w*

Erm, back to subject… What was the subject again? My brain just poured out from my ear so it’s a bit hard to concentrate.

Well, maybe I’ve already said everything I meant to say… Maybe I could add that the combination of Mizu, Zara and Messenger has completely ruined my sleeping pattern. Today I will shut the computer at eleven p.m. at the very latest. It’s a promise. I’ve got to keep it.

P.S. I forgot to mention... I got a new conditioner with the HerStyler. It's like a mask so I can use it only once a week and it smells wonderful! *u* It's also quite effective compared to my other conditioners... Now I keep sniffing my hair every once in a while. x)

In my darkest hours I could not foresee

...That the tide could turn so fast to this degree (Within Temptation – Our Solemn hour)

Rest in peace Jasmine You, you’ll be missed and loved forever.

I’ll try my hardest to make this a happy post. Even when in mourning, we need to seek happiness in small things in life.

Jag skulle skriva på svenska men jag vill inte. >.<’’ It would be good to practice Swedish by writing but I’m too lazy. And I guess that some people wouldn’t really appreciate it if I suddenly wrote a whole post in Swedish.

I have so many photos and things to write about! We were at my grandparents’ summer house again for the weekend, with my little sister this time. We swam a lot because the weather was great. Mum says that I’ve tanned noticeably, even though I still look pale by most standards. And here comes the photo spam:

The awesome summer house (the house itself and the sauna). The border of the lake is to the right, about ten meters from the sauna. I know, I suck at taking photos…

Sunset on Friday evening. The girl in the photo is my godparents’ daughter; I hope she doesn’t mind that I only censored her face… I just didn’t want to ruin the photo. :3

Lol, me. x) My hand looks amputated… And I tried Yulia Tymoshenko-styled braids… can’t see it that well in the photo though. :’3

We saw this awesome swallowtail caterpillar. It was about 10 cm long. ^^

Me and Stella walking down towards the sauna.

We were fishing. :''D Looks like I’m about to fall to the lake…

(Random comment: LOST SCENE *___* dum-dum-dum)

I went to Sello today… Oh no, I don’t want to start the Mizu-fandom at this hour… >___>'' But yeah, I suddenly got obsessed with belts and long scarves. :3

Sorry for the bad quality… Awesome pose, don’t you think? x) I had to practice otoko no winku a few times. :'''D I bought that white scarf and the belt that you can’t see well in the photo. I need more money~! Now I’m a bit afraid… What will happen to my aristocratic vampirism if this goes on? >___>'' How long will it take until I’m listening to AQUA5 24/7?

…I romanized Maladie/Saigo no Chansu yesterday. It’s freaking love, that whole scene of the musical. ♥______♥

Gah, I’ve been writing to my Galleriapäiväkirja way too much, I’ve ran out of inspiration in regards to my blogs. D: Hmm… I have a few photos of my hair in the past… Maybe I’ll do some kind of a hair post some day?

Oh, almost forgot!

Nails of the day. ^^ My mom’s old nail polish, best before 08/2006. :'''''D

We got this new chair on our balcony. ^^ And…

I bought a new backpack. Just in case I have to carry a crapload of books to school some day…

Now, maybe I’ll finally draw the patterns to my shirt… If I don’t end up watching Mizu videos for the whole night again, that is. >.<''

Draw back those tears, you’re not dying inside

Warning: Obsessed rant for the first 3 paragraphs. Skip these if you aren’t interested/don’t have time etc. ^^

I’m trying really hard to convince myself that I don’t need or even want that DVD. I’m thinking rationally here (just what my parents want me to do); almost 130€ for a DVD is way too much. When my obsession has faded away, I might be pretty pissed at myself for throwing away that much money. Maybe. Just a few weeks ago I thought about buying that Vivienne Westwood necklace at almost the same price. At some point I was seriously considering buying a BJD.

“Let’s not buy these yet, consider it a bit more”, said my dad with a not so pleased look on his face. ;;__;; But… I’m still obsessed! I want to have a DVD with Mizu Natsuki as Death in it. >:( “It’s overpriced. No-one should buy a DVD that expensive.” Yeah, yeah, I know, right. But that’s the cheapest it’ll get. And there’s this one single website from where I’d be able to get it. It’s the 2007 version, who knows how few of them they have in stock!

I’ll just have to bear with this for a while. Obsessions will be replaced with something else, eventually. Some day I’ll thank myself for not buying it. *Has reasoned enough with herself*

Okay, moving on to other subjects. ^^

Today we went to Lahti to see my grandparents and two cousins. It was fun, because the two cousins of mine live in Puolanka and I’m lucky if I get to see them once a year. And they are so cute. *__* They are 14 and 11. :3 Too bad my sister couldn’t meet them…

Me today. ^^ Why so serious? x)

Tigerlily from our garden. ^^ Macro photography, for once.

My new necklace. ^^ It’s a heart-shaped cage which can be opened and you can fill it with whatever you like. I’ll probably try to find a dark pearl or something, because the rose quartz I currently have doesn’t really show well against skin.

Then, here are some of my goals for the future. (Hopefully I can achieve some of these before school starts.)

-Have straighter back/posture.
-Be more flexible.
-Have more flesh between skin and bones.
-Weight at least 45 kg.
-Read for the final exams.
-Become more elegant.
-Learn to dance.

I feel empty, somehow. But I’ll play strong and happy, hiding behind the smiling mask. ^^ It can’t be that hard. I’ve swallowed back my tears for today. ^^

^^ ^^ ^^ Whee-hee. ^^ Convincing, no?

P.S. I became a member of Versailles' Street team (Finland) today. Yayy! ^^ I'm honestly so happy and excited about that!

I’ll bite into your sinful neck

Versailles fangirlism strikes again! Ascendead Master is love, just like all their songs. I’m hailing the PV just now. Please come to Finland soon~! I can’t wait ‘til September when they’ll release the new album.

Kamijo ♥__♥ Hizaki ♥__♥

Gackt ♥__♥ …he doesn’t have anything to do with this, though. x)

Okay, let’s see if I would stay on one subject for more than two seconds. ^^’’ I should have done a Hizaki cosplay for Animecon. It’s a bit late now, isn’t it? I wanted at least to do the Hizaki hair style but I realized my sister has our curling iron with her in Jersey. And I suck at creating pretty curls. ;;___;; I’ll have to do some internet research for hair curling tutorials. That’s my favourite pastime anyway.

I can’t wait for Animecon! ^___^ Oh my Gackt (here we go again!), what should I wear? *panic attack* :P And what should I do to my nails? I do have something like a plan already, nothing definite though.

My godparents’ child might be coming over to my house for Friday & Saturday so that she’ll be able to go to Animecon, too. She wasn’t too sure yet, though, because she’ll have to get here by train and then go back to Mäntyharju after just a couple of days. I’ll hold my fingers crossed for her, since she has never been to Animecon before (I’m the one to say. I’ve been to Animecon once. xD) and I think she doesn’t have anyone else to go with her. She sounded like she wanted to come, but we’ll see. I’ll have to call her tomorrow to confirm. I found out I’ve got yet another Gackt-admiring friend in her. ^____^ Makes a little fangirl happy to know people share her interests.

I had great time at my godparents’ cottage. It’s actually more like a villa than a cottage. It’s huge and very beautiful. I was able to draw for the first time since I don’t know when and finally watch the Golden Compass movie, which was better than I expected, and Kiki’s Delivery Service. I also got to play Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII on PSP. Sephiroth~ ♥! And Zack, obviously ♥! ^___^ If only we could have played the Japanese version… Gackt as Genesis’ voice. ♥___♥ On a side note: the Bunraku movie must come to theaters in Finland, too! If it doesn’t, I’ll die for sure. Well, I’ll die of hyperventilation anyway if it does. And that’s only if I’ll live that long.

Okay, in case you didn’t notice, I’m overexcited by everything right now. ^^’’ A little over two weeks to go and then I’m going to see D’espairsRay! Whee~! Now I only need money so I can buy something from Animecon and D’espairsray’s gig.

I wonder how many of my friends will come to Animecon… Me and Taitti are kind of planning to go on Friday (right? o__O). I might go on Saturday and/or Sunday too, depending on whether I do or do not have company. I’m excited~! Oh, you can tell? How come?

Endless rant… Sorry! I will have something clever to say next time, I promise! .___.’’

P.S. I forgot! I’m a godmother now! Yayy, my dream come true! ^___^

P.P.S. If you haven’t seen this Versailles comment before… It’s hilarious! xD Poor Teru, he forgot to pull in his stomach in the beginning. And please get some longer pants on already!

Hizaki cosplay, here I come!

Hehe, this is just a quick update before the promised post about my room. ^^ I'm not too sure if I should be writing at all right now, since my brain and heart and soul are going completely overload. I’ve been feeding myself way too much shoujo manga without leaving my house, so I’ll probably go crazy real soon… It’s no good when I’m in this kind of mood, I get WAY too excited over every little thing…

Right now I’m excited over Versailles. It started with Kamijo posting two hilarious photos in his blog and me realising sometime afterwards that the website header said their major debut single is going to be released on June 24th! I went all *WHEE~!!!* of course. ^^ Then I visited their myspace site and noticed that they had changed the band member pics there. And then I saw the new pic of Hizaki, which leads us to the real subject of this post.

Here’s the new pic of Hizaki. *____* Whee~ again! My mission to get a Hizaki look just got a bit easier. Now, instead of trying to go for this Hizaki hair with straight bangs I could never pull off, I can now feel happy that I have side-swept bangs. ^___^ My bangs are swept the other way, though, and I don’t have those longer locks of hair on the sides of my face but other than that, all I have to do is to practise my curling skills. Maybe I should do a Hizaki cosplay for Animecon? Hmm… That would definitely be a handful. And I would have to go to a nose surgery first. ;;___;;

Japanese men are the most beautiful. ♥__♥

06/14 A few more words: See this photo. Aww, so cool! ♥ But I guess I’m really not going to do a Hizaki cosplay… Sure I’d like to have a dress like that, but for Animecon? Erm… I’m certain I wouldn’t fit in… I’d break something or the dress would be ruined in two seconds with everyone stepping on the hem or something. But it would be so much fun to make! ;;___;; I bet Kamijo would be mad if he found out that he isn’t the first person who draws people’s attention in that photo. :P And I kinda like Yuki’s outfit. Jasmine You is Jasmine You. But when it comes to Teru… I wish he would find a pair of longer pants. x)

I seriously want to learn to do my hair. Just look at Hizaki - he looks so perfect. ♥__♥ (Gah, I can’t believe I almost wrote ‘she’ just now.)