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My brain is pretty empty right now and I don’t know why. I’m going through a nice variety of emotions and I keep switching my thinking language between Finnish, English, Swedish and French, which is confusing to say the least. I’m a bit worried about next Wednesday because then I’ll have my English matriculation exam and my English isn’t really at it’s best right now. Well, I did get quite a good score from the listening comprehension (85/90) but I’m getting pretty worried about the grammar part. And judging by the first paragraph of this blog entry the essay part won’t be easy either. I fail. ;__;

I’ve been quite stressed over all the school work lately. The teachers just keep giving us too much homework and other projects and I’ve been feeling like I haven’t got any time of my own at all. And thus I’ve neglected almost all of my homework, which has made me feel guilty and unwilling to go to the classes. I’m quite proud of myself though; I haven’t skipped a single class since the beginning of the semester. Go me!

Last Tuesday I was so fed up with my teachers and all the things they make us do that I simply decided to do nothing at all. It didn’t make me feel better but at least it didn’t make me feel worse. Because that would have been too much. I spent the night staring at my computer screen, mostly Takarazuka videos on YouTube. The same angst and unwillingness to do anything went on on Wednesday, too, but I guess I was already feeling slightly better. Thursdays are always the worst and the most tiring days but on yesterday evening I felt very good and relaxed. Amazing, isn’t it, what little things like dancing can do. I got slightly too relaxed though; I couldn’t sleep. >.<’’

Today I’ve come across quite a few not so cheerful things from wrist cutting to suicide. Depression and stress seem to appear in about everyone’s life lately. It makes me feel sick. I find myself trying to keep away from the bad things, trying not to empathize with them. But that’s almost even more scary; ignorance isn’t really my thing and the numbness that follows makes me scared of losing all my feelings. To make matters worse, I watched a bit of a 9/11 memorial documentary. My mom, who actually isn’t in high spirits either, asked me why I was watching such a depressing thing. I couldn’t answer; I know that I sometimes watch such things to remind myself of the bad things in life (and when I do it feels masochistic) but right now I have no reason to do so.

I should go to sleep already; I’ll have to be at school from 9 to 12 tomorrow, studying Swedish. And then I’m going to Helsinki with Taitti to check out some kind of a manga event. ^^ To end this post on a positive note, I’ll tell you about a dream I saw last night. I wasn’t in the dream myself but I saw a dark gothic castle. There, in a hall, was count Dracula or some other older aristocratic vampire with his servant. The servant told the count something about a woman’s corpse floating in a river by the castle. The count looked out of a window, said something like ‘There’s no sun at this time of night’ and got outside laughing mischievously. Pretty random, but I’m not complaining as long as it’s about vampires.

And lastly, here’s a bit crappy photo of my current nails: