Cutcutcut

First things first: Sorry for the lack of updates during these past… 3 weeks or something. :''D School has been killing me etc. so I hope you’ll understand.

I thought about making some kind of a hair history post but I decided against it after all when I went through some old photos… I guess I don’t go well with a camera.

Blah, I’ve written two random essays today and I wonder whether I’ve got anythig to say anymore. :'3 My brain has got some issues. Regarding school and Takarazuka. And I have an identity crisis. :__)

Well, on to the big news! My hair is short. D: And I don’t know how I can live with that. My family wouldn’t even have noticed the difference if I hadn’t pointed it out but to me it does matter when my hair is roughly 20 cm shorter than before. I thought I’d go for Tooto length but no. >.<'' It’s funny that I thought I hadn’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that my hair was so long but now when it’s shorter I’m totally on pins and needles. :''D

Okay, I know you want to see already. ;) (Sorry for the crappy webcam quality…)

Before…

After.

You see why I’m a bit freaked out right now? I wonder what my hair dresser will think when I come to her after a couple of months with a Tooto pic and tell her I want to have hair like that (without the blue parts though). :__D

And now that my hair is gone the next thing to cut will be the nails. Uh-oh, now I’m scared. :''D I just haven’t decided how short and what shape I want my nails to be. Too many options. I thought I would go with very short for once but after the hair cut that might be a bit too much…

I should be studying maths at the moment but, surprisingly, I’ve started a couple of new projects that I’d like to continue right now (such as der Tod fanvideo and a new visual style for my computer). :'3

Hmhmhm… If you have any suggestions for my nails or hair feel free to tell me! ^__^ I guess that’s all for now, see you again (soon, I hope)!

*Insert an interesting title here*

My brain is pretty empty right now and I don’t know why. I’m going through a nice variety of emotions and I keep switching my thinking language between Finnish, English, Swedish and French, which is confusing to say the least. I’m a bit worried about next Wednesday because then I’ll have my English matriculation exam and my English isn’t really at it’s best right now. Well, I did get quite a good score from the listening comprehension (85/90) but I’m getting pretty worried about the grammar part. And judging by the first paragraph of this blog entry the essay part won’t be easy either. I fail. ;__;

I’ve been quite stressed over all the school work lately. The teachers just keep giving us too much homework and other projects and I’ve been feeling like I haven’t got any time of my own at all. And thus I’ve neglected almost all of my homework, which has made me feel guilty and unwilling to go to the classes. I’m quite proud of myself though; I haven’t skipped a single class since the beginning of the semester. Go me!

Last Tuesday I was so fed up with my teachers and all the things they make us do that I simply decided to do nothing at all. It didn’t make me feel better but at least it didn’t make me feel worse. Because that would have been too much. I spent the night staring at my computer screen, mostly Takarazuka videos on YouTube. The same angst and unwillingness to do anything went on on Wednesday, too, but I guess I was already feeling slightly better. Thursdays are always the worst and the most tiring days but on yesterday evening I felt very good and relaxed. Amazing, isn’t it, what little things like dancing can do. I got slightly too relaxed though; I couldn’t sleep. >.<’’

Today I’ve come across quite a few not so cheerful things from wrist cutting to suicide. Depression and stress seem to appear in about everyone’s life lately. It makes me feel sick. I find myself trying to keep away from the bad things, trying not to empathize with them. But that’s almost even more scary; ignorance isn’t really my thing and the numbness that follows makes me scared of losing all my feelings. To make matters worse, I watched a bit of a 9/11 memorial documentary. My mom, who actually isn’t in high spirits either, asked me why I was watching such a depressing thing. I couldn’t answer; I know that I sometimes watch such things to remind myself of the bad things in life (and when I do it feels masochistic) but right now I have no reason to do so.

I should go to sleep already; I’ll have to be at school from 9 to 12 tomorrow, studying Swedish. And then I’m going to Helsinki with Taitti to check out some kind of a manga event. ^^ To end this post on a positive note, I’ll tell you about a dream I saw last night. I wasn’t in the dream myself but I saw a dark gothic castle. There, in a hall, was count Dracula or some other older aristocratic vampire with his servant. The servant told the count something about a woman’s corpse floating in a river by the castle. The count looked out of a window, said something like ‘There’s no sun at this time of night’ and got outside laughing mischievously. Pretty random, but I’m not complaining as long as it’s about vampires.

And lastly, here’s a bit crappy photo of my current nails: